2011 year-end survey

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Leased a brand new vehicle. Took a public speaking class. Drank Whiskey. Rented a car. Visited Hollywood Blvd and other LA sights. Ate raw beef-a Chinese delicacy. Acquired my own cat. 
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I can't remember last year's new year resolution. If I can't remember it, I doubt I kept it. 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
A friend from high school.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank goodness.

5. What countries did you visit?
None. 
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Assertiveness (tempered with tact and consideration, neither of which I lack). Dinner parties. More visits with the BFFOMGWTFBBQs. Less insomnia. More frequent runs/walks. More travel. A thesis topic. Improved health for my mom and Bill. Fewer demands on my grandmother's time in caring for my mom. 
7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 20th, 2011- the day I realized I might be marrying the wrong person for me. November 18th, 2011, a sweet beginning.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Completing my first year in graduate school. Completely funding my own education and housing, as well as Aric's. Establishing new friendships in Davis and SOE. Listening to my inner voice. 
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not protecting my primary relationship from outside threats. Failing to communicate with my partner when I should have been. 
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
The flu.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Tons of cheap books from the used bookstore in Davis- Ender's game, The Princess Bride, The Earth Abides, The Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Mine, at times. Aric's, at times. My mom's, for remaining strong in the face of 
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Aric's. It sounds so mean to say it, but that is really how I felt.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, bills, food.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Seeing Tahoe for the first time. Moving in with the boy. Moving back to Davis. 
16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2011?
Have you ever seen the rain by Credence Clearwater Revival. Superbass by Nicki Minaj.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
I. Happier? maybe.
II. Thinner or fatter? Fatter. 
III. Richer or poorer? Richer, surprisingly enough!

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Talked with Aric and had him come to Davis. Studied with friends. Choosing to cook over eating out.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Wasting nights on internet. 

20. How did you be spend Christmas?


22. Did you fall in love in 2011?
yes. Simple answer, complicated story.
23. How many one-night stands?
None. 

24. What was your favourite TV program?
Game of Thrones. Big Bang Theory.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No.
26. What was the best book you read?
A Game of Thrones Series. 

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Mumford and Sons.

28. What did you want and get?
Fee remissions through GSR/TA.
29. What did you want and didn't get?
Couples counseling. 
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Timer.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
24, and had Chinese food with the parents and Aric.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Less self-doubt.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Regressing to my undergrad style of baggy t-shirts, sweatshirts, and jeans. 
34. What kept you sane?
Coffee. Supportive classmates. A paycheck. Good conversations with friends.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
None.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Can't think of any. Must be my apathy showing through.
37. Who did you miss?
Em, Jessie, and Mary, since our 2011 visits were few and far between. Missed Aric a lot in the Winter/Spring quarter.
38. Who was the best new person you met or got to know better?
Melissa and Angie. My advisor. Steven.
39. What valuable life lesson did you learn in 2011?
Being best friends with your (future) husband is not enough to have a happy a life together. Relationships are hard work. Networking is everything in grad school.

Holiday Reflections

It took me so long to get into my usual Christmas spirit this year, but I when I finally did, Christmas lived up to it's usual expectations. Spent some nice time bonding with my cousin's husband, Uncle, and Uncle's girlfriend at Christmas Eve. Apparently my cousin and my Uncle live in Sacramento, which I did not know until a few days ago. Seeing that I did not know this shows how out-of-touch I am with my Dad's side of the family, something I need to work on. That's part of being an adult, I guess. It's not up to my mom or my dad to ensure that I maintain meaningful relationships with my family members anymore, it's up to me.

I was especially pleased with my Christmas gifts this year, no matter how materialistic that sounds. New (and much needed) jeans and shirts, a dutch oven, a baby cakes pop cake maker (!), and a set of glass canisters for kitchen storage. I was especially touched by Steven's gifts-the Fluxx card game (hoping to play that soon!) and the beautiful fantasy book with all of his notes and thoughts in it! So thoughtful-I'm going to start reading today.

Also invested in a small present for myself-Civilization V a la the Steam Christmas sale. So much fun! I've been eyeing the Civilization series for years now, and I finally got around to buying it. Not sure why it took me so long!

Can't think of one (a title)

As the title suggests, I hate thinking of titles. Maybe if I had more coffee that task would not seem so difficult.

I had a long on-going dream last night. The main thing I remember is tending to a small long-haired kitten (looked like a lilac point Himalayan) who kept popping up in my backyard. She would periodically sit on the doormat in front of the sliding glass door, and then run back to the shade of the bushes by the fence, panting as if overheated from the sunlight. Really, that's all I remember.

Went to bed early for some much needed sleep! Got 8.5 hours, which is really good considering everything that is going on. Unlike yesterday, where I felt compelled to work (but dragged my feet while doing so) I feel energized and focused today.  I've all ready done a follow up interview with my grandma, and I completed some stuff for PEAR as well.

Wanted to write more, but I'm distracted by my bowl of oatmeal.

And then it was Thursday.

This week has been increasingly busy, peaking yesterday (on hump day, no less!) and finally, seems to be "slowing down." I write "slowing down" in quotes because although I don't actually have any commitments that pull me away from writing, I am faced with the major commitment that is term papers.

Had an odd dream last night, of which I only recall fragments. Part of it involved me obsessing over an odd, coarse hair growth above my upper lip-kind of like a one-sided mustache. Another part featured my roommate, who coming into my room, exclaimed "Now we have 3 diet cokes!"

So many things happened yesterday. The draft session in Informal learning was invaluable-I finally feel like I have a direction for my paper, and I don't think I would feel nearly as capable without consulting with Cara and Melissa about my interview. (Distributed cognition, anyone?) Part of me feels guilty (?) for not being able to develop a decent paper on my own. Right now I can't tell if my seemingly scattered thoughts are due to something within me or if they are more a result of this hectic quarter. I've never had so much trouble writing a paper before, so that makes me think that I'm still being governed by various stressors outside of myself.

Joined Nick's flag members for beer and pizza, which was a much needed diversion. I actually had quite a realization during our get together. I tend to think that everyone else is better than me, or more deserving of graduate student status, or just more knowledgeable in general, and therefore, should have freedom to speak and question and share their opinions. I don't see myself in this light, and adopting these assumptions have been holding me back both socially and academically. Socially because I typically would not go to an outing with my cohort, thinking that they would rather spend time with smarter, extroverted, more interesting people than myself. This assumption no longer stands, since it seems that everyone was happy to socialize with me and made numerous statements that they were glad I joined them. Academically, I tend to remain silent in class because I think that my opinions do not matter. I operate from the position that if my ideas aren't fully articulated, they should not be articulated all. But I see other people sharing their scattered thoughts during class, and Carrie even went so far as to mention something along the lines of sharing/speaking being the cornerstone of meaning making and scholastic development. So, in not speaking, I'm not just stunting my own education, I am in fact limiting what others may be taking away from a class discussion as well. There is still the fact that my silence is due to habit, and that habits are hard to change. However, I'm wondering if thinking about my silence as something that hurts others' intellectual growth will motivate me to speak more in class and to "risk" sharing some of my incomplete thoughts.

The Zeus Leonardo talk was really boring. I had high hopes for the lecture, but his presentation was really jut lackluster. Perhaps he was nervous? He had a powerpoint and read off his notes the entire time, making it hard for me (or others, I'm guessing) to connect with his position. So much of the presentation dealt with theory and authors I myself did not recognize, so that no doubt contributed to my "meh" attitude about the whole thing.

GSA general assembly was long but rather productive. To signal agreement or support for positions/motions, we collectively "snap." Today my fingers are feeling the aftershock of repeated agreement, leaving my thumb and middle finger tender with every keystroke.

Off to (paper) writing!

Crazy Mondays

Although I know that today will continue to be dominated by commitments, I will feel so much better when all of this important stuff is over. Until it begins tomorrow, that is.

Got through my presentation in Cognitive Development, and i did a fairly good (though not as in-depth_ overview of all of the articles. The whole thing was much less stressful than I had originally anticipated-reading off my slides doesn't require as much fuss as I put into it. Regardless, the instructor seemed to be nodding at a lot of my slides (positive reinforcement, FTW!) and I didn't do so terribly that people had to ask me to clarify what I was trying to say.

Proseminar is actually "optional" today, and I can't help but think how much I would get done if I were to skip class entirely....although skipping class for this reason would not be consistent with the reasons behind making class optional. Perhaps I will be able to mosey on over to the Strike, take in some information, and relay it to those attending the EdGSA forum. That would surely be a good use of my time.

Need to start up my running again, if only to compensate for all of the holiday foods (not to mention reduce stress.)
Oral hygiene is one my mind-mostly because I just bought some listerine from Target and can't wait to bask in the intense sensation that is mouthwash.
Verifying details with people may be a good strategy for me, but it can make others involved feel pestered or controlled. I must remember this in future leadership roles.
Expected to see Em over the break, but sadly, no time. Her birfday is coming up on Friday, so I need to find her an awesome card, and perhaps a gift too.
Memory has been failing me-perhaps I have been allocating too much to studying and not enough to less important but significant things-such as remembering to eat, packing my new box of checks with me for Davis, brining my beautiful art posters to hang on my large bare WHITE wall.
Based on reading our lease, I can technically pain my room one of 5 pre-approved colors. To bad they are all rather eccentric. Something tells me that having plum walls won't present enough contrast against my plum bedding.
Eager to see someone today. It is rare when I can find ease in such a new friendship.
Recalling the seemingly incongruent advice I received from friends and family over the past week. Mary says be careful and go slow. Jessie says quite the opposite, preferring to revel in the excitement and promise of new opportunities. My mom is the most confusing-at once curious and excited herself, while (implying?) trying to sway me from attending certain events. I can't tell if she is motivated by her need to protect me or her desire to see as much of me as possible during the break. Perhaps both motivations are at play.
2 of my least favorite words: "woman" and "lover." Ew.
8 days until my last paper is due! Then it is on to Skyrim, reading, knitting, gatherings, baking, and hopefully some sort of visit to the snow.

Readings on memory development have not done much for my memory >.>

So, along with life's little irritations (coffee mug caps that insist on snapping out of place) and life's more medium irritations (my car failing smog) I've gone through some major life changes as well, most of which involve saying goodbye to an almost husband, moving back to Davis, acquiring a cat, and being recognized as a cosigner on an expensive car loan.  So, it's been a season of change to say the least. I could write much more about these events, and other significant events as well, but I feel like I've hashed over this serious stuff to so many people (and across so many emails and chats) that I don't even want to recycle those thoughts through my head so they can transmit themselves from my mind to my fingers to the pixels on this screen.

In other news, perhaps I shall resort to my old style of journaling. Regression for the win?!?

N-noticed the fall colors are extra vibrant this year-all over Sac and the East Bay. Can't help but want to jump in the leaves at every chance I get, though I could do without those funny looks from people.
O-Ordered an excellent spicy tuna roll at Manpuku with Mary and Jessie. The roll was crowned with the awesome seaweed salad stuff that had a texture akin to cellophane noodles.
V- Vixen comes to mind, mostly because it's a word I don't often say (or type) and because it's a V word I have not used recently. Though, now that I wrote that, I'm sure there is another V word I could use that would be much more interesting. Perhaps the midnight hour has robbed my brain of its creativity. Or perhaps being uncreative is just my normal state.
E-Extraordinarily proud of myself for plugging through the majority of my Cognitive Development presentation tonight. It's interest how I appreciate intense academic work once I get going.
M-Mary really cheered me up today. I'm hoping that she will be able to come up to Davis in December, hopefully along with Emy and Jess. Her quarter ended the week before Thanksgiving, so she has a full 6 weeks off between quarters, although she is still seeing clients.
B-Been feeling overwhelmed even though I feel things should be slowing down soon. I can't wait for the quarter to end and have time to process, think, and feel to an extent which I have not been allowing myself to do. I'm also hoping to spend some renewing time alone-either taking a trip somewhere for the day to think or walk or write, or just hold up in my room. With epic amounts of Big Bang Theory and those new books I bought.
E-Embers makes me me think of Ewers, which is Nancy's last name. How grateful I am to have her support and friendship. We're planning to coordinate dessert at the LMS dinner. What to make? I'm think of making dream bars, but there is also a brown sugar soft cookie I've been wanting to try.
R-Reading this great book by Jacqueline Carey called "Kushiel's Dart" although my leisure reading time has been sorely lacking this quarter and this Thanksgiving break, in general. Mayhaps after this I will read.

2 current irritations-incessant chatter and extra long underwear tags that graze teasingly against my tush.
6 nights ago, something that I was hoping would happen DID happen (quite unexpectedly!) What a great feeling, and what a beautiful memory I have to sustain me during future struggles.

Jesus this whole post feels emo, though it was not my intent to sound as such. I blame coursework and sleep-inducing tryptophan from the turkey. Gobble. Gobble Gobble.

Another hot one....

but I got up early-ish (before 10!) and trekked over to the Air Conditioned Coffee shop for an Iced Coffee while I did some reading on the common core state standards movement.

In other news, I ate way too much today, and I blame my uterus. Dinner was a lean cuisine french bread pizza, which was tasty though not filling. Ended up making a small bowl of pasta salad afterwards, and then I indulged my sweet tooth with some fro-yo from Tutti-Frutti. Now I am full, and I fear I will be full until next wednesday. You'd think I'd learn that stuffing myself around dinner time is not a great idea. Usually the heat wipes out my appetite, but today was clearly an outlier. Again, I blame the woman parts for making me extra hungry.

I finally bought a personal for my bedroom-I should have done this when I moved here in the summer. Besides circulating the ac in my room, it helps to drown out the noise of the drunk undergrads who walk back from the bars at two in the morning.

Aric's job has sparked the realization that we can start looking for a place to live-and not just any place, but a real place to call home. This will be the first time in my adult life that I am able to be choosy about where we will live-we finally have the income to live in relative comfort. In college, I took whatever was cheap and even lived with random people from time to time. No more of that! If I could be utterly picky, I want to have a two bedroom place with a small patio or balcony (for a grill or container gardens) a linen or coat closet, and an actual nook off the kitchen for a dining table. I also really want a fitness room, if only to keep me honest with my workouts. And if I'm being really picky, a fireplace would be great :) At first I thought two bedrooms sounded extravagant, but knowing how focused and irritable I can get when I'm writing term papers, I think having my own little work area is going to be a saving grace for our relationship.